5th instar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the album can be streamed and downloaded here

01 (I’m a walking) black hole
02 Barbara Basks in the Glow of Gratitude
03 callous (the carelessness)
04 inroads
05 the day I spat the Lord in his face
06 broken toy
07 Clark Kent stunt double
08 forests/cinder
09 the visible man
10 Artisan Rises to Challenger
11 Big Sur Death Penalty 
12 Siren Song
13 far, far from his old Kentucky home
14 tentpoles
15 ripples in the phaseband, ripples in the water 
16 my nightingale 

LYRICS

(I’m a walking) black hole

every single day I find people on my way
who look at me but don’t see me

at least I’m trying to pretend to confide in a close friend
I’m in a dark and lonely place

everything’s alright with me
as long as you are into me

yeah I tried to hide away from the light
find peace with myself but there’s no-one inside

a casual conversation, a family celebration
my life will pass me by

another wedding invitation, a birth notification
my life is passing me by

and all I got to know:
is somebody waiting in my black hole?

Barbara Basks in the Glow of Gratitude

Barbara, the sun sets low
oh Barbara, with her pretty eyes closed
oh Barbara, an adventure it seems
Barbara basks in the glow of gratitude

she is all I need
her heart beats
faster when I’m around
and tickle her feet
she’s so sad in solitude
oh Barbara basks in the glow of gratitude

callous (the carelessness)

women in this world are on flights that are delayed
the automatic pilot grounds his aeroplane today
children, you were lost, they gave you electronic maps
and shepherds made their flocks and family disappear, oh dear..

now the streets are full of people who are watching their smartphones
pushing the “Like” button whenever they leave home, that’s great…

Goldilocks was tired
she undressed and slept with all the bears
in a real-time video chat
she discusses her oedipal fears, oh dear..

the bruises in my life were self-inflicted wounds
my window dressing lies of landing on the moon

I have let you down
just used to blame my father
reading all your letters
I just miss you more…and more

inroads

I’m scared for the children, the noise in my head
leave my attic at night, she stops for a chat
I’m a see-through

I care for the people who wonder where I am
did he start a family and made a lot of friends?
recorded 4-track, a reel-to-reel come back
sent letters with poetry to girls in first person narrative
now that’s naive

one of these days I wish to come back
as a genuine man who dropped a stupid act
‘cause I need to

one of these days in the company of friends
I’d still like to crawl away ‘cause they all pretend
do I need you?
I would like to feel something
pain, love, a little empathy
instead, I’m a hologram
stop leaving me alone

fear in the back of my mind: I don’t want you
a tear in the corner of my eye, I don’t need you
disappeared in the heat of the night, I didn’t want to
but soon you will follow me
(on my way home)

the day I spat the Lord in his face

Jesus was my Saviour ‘till I found him in his grave
he hadn’t resurrected but had started to decay
 
you gotta love this man, he works in mysterious ways
but the day he left me hangin’, I spat the Lord in his face
 
Muhammad won’t be mentioned, only Christians can be mocked
a little bit of irony and you are seriously fucked
 
you gotta love this man, he works in mysterious ways
but the day he let me down, I spat the Lord in his face
 
Jesus never brought me any luck
you’d better get yourself a rabbit’s foot
Jesus always fails to cheer me up
his gospel choir really makes me blue
 
Jesus loves me more than I will know
comforting words when I stick a needle in my arm
Jesus is the only Way to God
you have to break him in half and drink his blood
 
and when I go to sleep, His wisdom pervades
Jesus Christ, I shouldn’t masturbate
and when I get up and I call Him in need
Jesus Christ, it’s the answering machine

 

broken toy

the woman said: “just follow it with your eyes”
she holds it still, “now, what’s going through your mind?”
 
CH I made a claim from the lost and found
I heard you were there, sleeping on the ground
he looked afraid and only ten years old
the violence and fear are still in my head
 
you have to recollect those scenes from your life
dissociative fugue, find the missing child  CH
 
people claim I can make it through this life
from a broken family with a narcissist inside
I have to make up for the damage that was done
through years and years of psychotherapy
 
people claim I have to make it through this life
without the innocence of a careless child
I try to understand what you don’t wanna see
I’m a broken toy and you can’t fix me

 

Clark Kent stunt double

they need you back at home
be sure to leave right after school
in a phone booth
you will change into somebody cool
 
wonderful days
when we jumped off the roof
using blankets for capes
we really thought that we flew
 
she surely understands
a superhero cannot sweep the doormat nor feed the cat
he takes out the trash in Metropolis
 
wonderful days
when we jumped off the roof
using blankets for capes
we really thought that we flew
and when we hit the ground there was no one around
no one would care
 
if you had been there
you could’ve saved us
Icarus falling
I think you no longer care
Superman pronounced dead

 

forests/cinder

did you ever show the feelings that you had?
I wonder if it’s wrong when people start to crack
 
the schizophrenic Jew, he put Jesus on a stick
I guess you got afraid from the people near your bed
 
the minute he was gone and his jaw had dropped
she opened up my eyes and time had stopped
 
a child is missing in my head
no matter what you do, you can’t get him back
 
dancing candle lights projected on the wall
the wind is in the trees, his body motionless
 
the priest that justified the end of human kind
you left me with a myth and a blank polaroid
 
the minute he was gone and his breathing stopped
she slapped me in the face and life went on
 
a child is missing in my head
no matter what you do, you can’t get him back

 

the visible man

saw a man in half and I know what you’ll see
he ain’t half the man that he used to be
if you’d break him in half along the sagittal plane
at least then he would have a functional brain
 
CH  gotta pull yourself up, you have nowhere to go
if you stay with a friend you will still feel low
and if you’re ready to meet a new soul in the streets
you’d better go online and use a fake profile
 
should I pull the plug, don’t I know what I want?
live a life in shame, don’t I know what I want?
or watch A Little House on the Prairie all day, too afraid to get close
too repressed to love, too depressed to find out  CH
 
I’m your shoulder to cry on
I’m your listening ear
I got nothing to rely on
I live in constant fear (2x)

 

Artisan Rises to Challenger

stay put
I will save you
from the break of day
I’m trying to get through
 
if the story of my life is to make it through the night
how can I close my eyes and let you near?
 
in take two
they would have to love you
but seems like every time
they’re trying to change their lines
 
if their death helped you out of the fog
how can I do my job when the door is locked?
 
you will remember me
artisan rises to challenger
on the day I tried to break the 4th wall
the audience didn’t let me near
on the day I tried to save us all
it was the happiest I have ever been

 

Big Sur Death Penalty

she spend her life in fear seven days a week
in the morning she would wake up but still feel like nodding out
 
there were no signs like needles in her face
or a bomb that had gone off, a shelter-in-place
 
there were no signsof PTSD
(she) just put a mask on her face every single day
 
CH how could you wind up on the wrong side of town?
with the wrong kind of men
who could wrong you somehow (2x)
 
you must’ve seen her in her jeans and top
and about to find out she is not
like these countless other self-appointed sluts
fuck me
 
there were no signs like scars on her wrists
or a gun to her face, just make it through the day
 
she was assigned to DSM-IV
(they) just put a label on her so they could weasel out of it  CH

 

Siren Song

girl when you spin it, then you never want to go home
I was asking you for a dance but you said repeatedly ‘no’
 
storm clouds gather in the american sky, it ain’t hope what you will find
but there’s a strong wind that will blow through our hidden undertows
 
are you set to marry the first man to set foot on the shore of your eyes of mourning?
yeah, I think that you should
 
and I tried to swim to the light but I couldn’t grab your hand
I drowned but I’m still awake

 

far, far from his old Kentucky home

you can make it wherever you go
and he has been in places, just to drink his sorrows away
 
far, far from his old Kentucky home
he has to go in time and follow the state line to find home again
 
me, you and everyone we know
our hearts skip a beat when we find the love we need
but he got broke and wandered around the streets
and saw his family sitting around the Christmas tree
 
well, that’s great
two people, a red string of fate
well, that’s great
before you know it, it’s already too late
 
(gotta face’m all, and if you don’t you will face the wall)

 

tentpoles

me and my girlfriend went for a hike
had to set up the tent in the middle of the night
with no lights
 
when we drove the stakes into the ground
we heard him scream a god-awful sound
he fell down, broke the vampire out
 
really love he has no soul
raise the tent and find the tentpoles
I’m about to figure myself out
 
when will you go to sleep?
in dreams, maybe we will meet
when will we ever be at peace with ourselves?
stay inside our tent and just put ourselves to sleep

 

ripples in the phaseband, ripples in the water

try to simply feel
there’s a lot of love to keep
hide it under your bed
don’t forget, she’s still upset
 
did you feed Schrödinger’s cat?
‘cause I looked inside the box and I think he’s dead…
 
stored all the words you said to me
on a memory disk I keep
the world outside is unreal
parallel waves
 
did you feed Schrödinger’s cat?
‘cause I looked inside the box and I think he’s dead…
 
you’re alone, I think they miss you here
they work around the clock, trying to track you down
they searched the area around the woods
even climbed the trees ‘cause they have no clue
 
what do you feel when you’re travelling
through a portal to the other side?

 

my nightingale

when you came across
the people that we lost
my nightingale sang its lonely song to me

and now the day has come
she brought along a gun
why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

when you hurt the person you loved
and my breath suddenly stopped
my nightingale sang its lonely song to me